I Don’t Fit In

Hmm…

I’m too alone to be popular, but not enough to be goth,
Life’s too good to be emo, but not enough to be pop,
Not hard enough to be thug, a little too tough to be rock,
Never dumb enough to do drugs, some things I’m too addicted to stop,

Never smart enough to do good, could never lift enough for the jocks,
Not quite right for the hood, but too sick for the rich at the top,
Not disciplined enough for the schools, and too rough for the cops,
Too soft to do prison, and too smart for the block,

I’m too hung for the priest hood, to dumb to keep the love that I’ve seen,
I’m too confused to be happy, and I’m too young for … hehe
I’m too open for marriage, It’s too cold by myself,
I’m too sick to be fine, not man enough for the help..

“Damp Shoulder”

You see,

There’s this strange occurrence, every since my people have left me,
It seems so depressing, why my shoulder ’s damp on me when I’m dressing,
There’s an angel that cries, cause of my pain that’s inside, and he can’t protect me,
You see I’m constantly stressing, ill lucked, plus the vomit is messy,
I can’t see him, But I’m never with out him,
And I need him, When the ones who make me smile say I’m better without them,
I doubt them, with my Cancer I’m constantly cursed, the meds too expensive,
And makes the vomiting worse,
God does it hurt, but I stopped complaining, I’d rather be morbid than selfish,
I stopped praying, cause my angel hears me, and cries more cause he’s helpless,
God, how long I’ve been dieing, I wonder sometimes, if I was gone he’d stop crying,
That can’t be true, but there’s no one to tell me I’m wrong or I’m lying,
That I’m strong up inside, so I stay in denial and love it,
Do not act like I’m odd, I know you’ve faked a smile in public,
I just happen to live in a disguise so ugly, it ruins the lives of who love me,
Brews sickness deep inside me, its bubbling, and makes angels cry up above me…

and for what…

Childish

I found a new guilty pleasure,
in telling you how I feel in a joking manner,
when every word is the truth,
God I wish you only knew the truth.

Oh, what i want to say, Damn so bad,
You mean the world to me, your special,
Instead I Laugh, haha you know i love you,
God I wish you only knew the truth.

I would sacrifice my greatest talent,
For the nerve to kiss you, no, To even ask for a kiss,
I feel love when you touch me, I play with your hair, I hear your Voice,
The most painful love imaginable, The kind you can never, ever hold on too…

I feel Disabled and unable to, relate to you,/
Is it the Age, Race, or Labels thats persuading you/
To show so little pain when I lay facing you/
No, Its cause you feel no pain, I only wish you felt the same, I do/
I die a little bit inside when I can’t stay with you/
The truth is, confusing, I’m actually afraid of you/
And not of rejection, or losing affection/
Cause When you don’t feel the same, Things get weird/
And I Risk Losing, my Best friend/
Oh, And, You love another man, Who you hold dear to you/
But regardless of where I stand, I will Always be right here for you/

The Pain Inside Me

My mind is consistently…

Mentally strapping explosives to pacifists, the lone emotional masochist,
The safe haven for catalyst, strategists, the hopeless and savagest,
Resides in the mental passages, of a ravenous sentinel, Banished,
To the caverns, never to surface, forever been worthless, Deserted,
Till the nerve circuits get severed on purpose, and every person,
In reach of the electrical currents, dispersing, lose their breath in the hurt when,
The meth isn’t working, whats happenin, the sleek glaze, of a blade, in my abdomen,
Is aching, in havoc, and, I cant take it, I’m shaking so fast, and then,
My face is in shambles, when, i notice its my hand on the handle….Damn.

While I’m Here

Pay Attention….While I’m Still Here,

Till this point you’ve listened you’ve followed me,
and every inch in you’ve honored me,
cause obviously I’m more than a prophecy,
I’m more than accomplishing a morbid lobotomy,
through a course of philosophy
that otherwise you couldn’t possibly
of thought up, a prodigy,  There’s honestly
A form, no a side of me, no a Storm
Deep inside of me, That tortures
and cries to me, and at some point
in time it seems, I Transformed
From the deepest Corner in pieces,
The horns of heathen, more than demon,
An Omniscient, religious, immortal conceived,
No REBORN without seaman,
With a taste in my mouth,
of the blood on the thorns around Jesus,
And even a new me’s apparent since,
along with a new breed of arrogance,
Cause my tongue is so lethal,
my gums, the breath in my lungs are unequal,
They’ll melt you, so go ahead
put up a defense, it won’t help you,
your sheltered, your helpless, and your God won’t come save you?
Your parent don’t love you, and your loved one’s have raped you?
Your jaded your cold and you long for the grave soon?
Your strong your dependent, its nothing I’m able,
To change you, to break you,
To make you a slave to
My thoughts, to my talk,
But it’s my heart that enslaves you.
It’s the rage in your soul, to think that all that I gave you,
the walls that I break through, and the eyes that you gaze through,
Could all go away soon…
I made you
You’ve been told this all and you take me?
What wrong with you lately?
Your not strong!? or wait…maybe,
Your all contemplating, the thoughts that im saying,
Your crazy? what wrong you don’t hate me?
You can’t
You can CLAIM i upset you!!
You can CLAIM your wreck too!!
But we both know you can only feel–what i let you…
So while I’m here listen, pay attention and question me,
Each sentence, each breath and parentheses,
I want you to learn so that you get the best of me,
So that I rest at ease, knowing you loath me,
and all you’ve detested me, cause you are what you hate,
and when I’m gone, your my legacy….

You Know Me

You know me? Really, your sure? I doubt it…

God I’m so twisted, live and explicit, you lie that I’m gifted, the truth is I’m putrid, a mutant , a sickness…  Your stupid, your human, your future is missing, just listen, JUST LISTEN, I’m evil, enticing, and crying at night when, my wrist don’t bleed when i slice it,  and life just,  seems so contorted, you bitches don’t listen, or know what i mean by I’m morbid, i mean that I’m more than, you people, your lordship, I’m horrid, my insides are pouring, with toxics and vomit, from lieing so constant…. cause of fate, I’ve been cursed too, plus i can’t stop it, honest, its really not conscious, its in my nature to hurt you…

I practice so often, now I’m laughing and taunting, damn so exhausted, …..why did i get into this, why not stick to simple shit, why couldn’t i be manipulative before i lost my innocence, cause now my soul existence is the removal of your impudence, and given this, you can see I’m evil inside, It eats me alive, i don’t bleed, I’m a God, So why do you love me, my eyes are so ugly, they see in your soul, and force you to hug me, they force you to need me, they force you want me, They force me to feed on your corpse when I’m hungry, they torture me, stun me, every morning their hunting, sitting and ducking, waiting to strike and get a grip on your stomach, you think your in love your a victim of something, and then its too late, you can’t do shit…cause your nothing

‘Expression of Love With a Chainsaw’

‘Expression of Love With a Chainsaw’

Inside-Thin Cries, Solemly Weep, cause when Sin Tries-To Win I, Honestly Bleed- Im -Silenced in Peace, when I -blurt things- the -words seem- to -desert me- in a, Mindless Retreat, usually a, Tyrant Of Speech, now my tounge, Lies and It Sleeps, Beneathe, The Bottom Of Feet, and i cant even- Cry Through My Teeth- or Try to -Gravel and Weep- cause ~the instant ~i get the vision of~ her -Smiling Cheeks- all Problems It Seems- Dissolve Into Dreams- and i Thank -God That Im Free- But the -Goddess It Seems- Did – Not Get Released- Her Burden was too Large-Impertinent, Too Hard- To- Wabble and Flee- I Got On My Feet- with a – Saw In My Hand- I Assulted It and- Chipped a Piece- Gripped it, and Seen it Turn To Salt In My Hand…

Sleeplessness

Attracted to Danger, a Savage by Nature, a morbid contortion of lordship, absorbed with the stranger, you pray to, a major, source of my brains just, Forcing a Sword in His Manger. The Strong the Decrepit, All get Effected, by Raw Intellect Kid, till their Longing for Death, Shit, cant let go, cause my Pride, got my Balls in a Death Grip! Trying, to cough when erected, from awkward deception, gnawed from flesh when, i cant find, a Coffin to Rest In!

No One Is Healthy

Life is a terminal illness, Death Rate 100% …

Blackened Lungs twitch of nervousness, a nurses wrist, purged and slit, keeps gorging organs on bloody surfaces, we thirst and spit, in the faces of earth and crypt, life is a medium of worthlessness, where everyone I see is hurt within, and they cant breathe or sneeze without being Cursed again! Their sores pour constant, the toxins in vomit, soak through the boards in their floors while their choking is violent! Their throats are embalmed wit, mucus and puss, that oozes and thrusts, their goo through your ducts, till your jaws permanently open from puking it up! And as you move through and touch, the juice from your guts, you collapse on the food that you chewed up for lunch!, And as soon as your up, you feel crude and abrupt, and sucked in those fluids, the instant, you realize your sickness, your mind, and your wounds ….self inflicted…

Illegal Passion

Illegal Passion

In a moment contrast, the fact that lips meet beneath two, unspoken contracts, lust is outwardly a known reality, oh how it seems that passion knows no morality, and love is ya stomach drunken on a balance beam, Residing deep with me, are sheets and screams, that shriek and dream, in a vow of secrecy. It eats at me, but in a steep belief I know its only to keep the peace, so I dare not speak/release the inner thoughts of a demons sheath.  Insane it has claimed, untamed is it’s reign, and all I accept, for a loving breast to lay my mane. Beneath the gloss of tender lips, a slender kiss, starts a spiral of sin and bliss, we never meant it, so tender lips stay sealed so contracts stay never dented, in the same moment the demon’s life, is spread through nails mean with might, down the angels back, a dentin-ing scratch resembling that of Jesus Christ, gleams of light, convey motions of society, Illegal penetration con notates their emotions just entirely, toes and fist grip closed holding in anxiety, with final screams this team is crafting, dreams that happen in a fiending fashion, as their Life see heights they would never reach with out illegal passion….

Dedicated