I Don’t Fit In

Hmm…

I’m too alone to be popular, but not enough to be goth,
Life’s too good to be emo, but not enough to be pop,
Not hard enough to be thug, a little too tough to be rock,
Never dumb enough to do drugs, some things I’m too addicted to stop,

Never smart enough to do good, could never lift enough for the jocks,
Not quite right for the hood, but too sick for the rich at the top,
Not disciplined enough for the schools, and too rough for the cops,
Too soft to do prison, and too smart for the block,

I’m too hung for the priest hood, to dumb to keep the love that I’ve seen,
I’m too confused to be happy, and I’m too young for … hehe
I’m too open for marriage, It’s too cold by myself,
I’m too sick to be fine, not man enough for the help..

“Damp Shoulder”

You see,

There’s this strange occurrence, every since my people have left me,
It seems so depressing, why my shoulder ’s damp on me when I’m dressing,
There’s an angel that cries, cause of my pain that’s inside, and he can’t protect me,
You see I’m constantly stressing, ill lucked, plus the vomit is messy,
I can’t see him, But I’m never with out him,
And I need him, When the ones who make me smile say I’m better without them,
I doubt them, with my Cancer I’m constantly cursed, the meds too expensive,
And makes the vomiting worse,
God does it hurt, but I stopped complaining, I’d rather be morbid than selfish,
I stopped praying, cause my angel hears me, and cries more cause he’s helpless,
God, how long I’ve been dieing, I wonder sometimes, if I was gone he’d stop crying,
That can’t be true, but there’s no one to tell me I’m wrong or I’m lying,
That I’m strong up inside, so I stay in denial and love it,
Do not act like I’m odd, I know you’ve faked a smile in public,
I just happen to live in a disguise so ugly, it ruins the lives of who love me,
Brews sickness deep inside me, its bubbling, and makes angels cry up above me…

and for what…

The Pain Inside Me

My mind is consistently…

Mentally strapping explosives to pacifists, the lone emotional masochist,
The safe haven for catalyst, strategists, the hopeless and savagest,
Resides in the mental passages, of a ravenous sentinel, Banished,
To the caverns, never to surface, forever been worthless, Deserted,
Till the nerve circuits get severed on purpose, and every person,
In reach of the electrical currents, dispersing, lose their breath in the hurt when,
The meth isn’t working, whats happenin, the sleek glaze, of a blade, in my abdomen,
Is aching, in havoc, and, I cant take it, I’m shaking so fast, and then,
My face is in shambles, when, i notice its my hand on the handle….Damn.

While I’m Here

Pay Attention….While I’m Still Here,

Till this point you’ve listened you’ve followed me,
and every inch in you’ve honored me,
cause obviously I’m more than a prophecy,
I’m more than accomplishing a morbid lobotomy,
through a course of philosophy
that otherwise you couldn’t possibly
of thought up, a prodigy,  There’s honestly
A form, no a side of me, no a Storm
Deep inside of me, That tortures
and cries to me, and at some point
in time it seems, I Transformed
From the deepest Corner in pieces,
The horns of heathen, more than demon,
An Omniscient, religious, immortal conceived,
No REBORN without seaman,
With a taste in my mouth,
of the blood on the thorns around Jesus,
And even a new me’s apparent since,
along with a new breed of arrogance,
Cause my tongue is so lethal,
my gums, the breath in my lungs are unequal,
They’ll melt you, so go ahead
put up a defense, it won’t help you,
your sheltered, your helpless, and your God won’t come save you?
Your parent don’t love you, and your loved one’s have raped you?
Your jaded your cold and you long for the grave soon?
Your strong your dependent, its nothing I’m able,
To change you, to break you,
To make you a slave to
My thoughts, to my talk,
But it’s my heart that enslaves you.
It’s the rage in your soul, to think that all that I gave you,
the walls that I break through, and the eyes that you gaze through,
Could all go away soon…
I made you
You’ve been told this all and you take me?
What wrong with you lately?
Your not strong!? or wait…maybe,
Your all contemplating, the thoughts that im saying,
Your crazy? what wrong you don’t hate me?
You can’t
You can CLAIM i upset you!!
You can CLAIM your wreck too!!
But we both know you can only feel–what i let you…
So while I’m here listen, pay attention and question me,
Each sentence, each breath and parentheses,
I want you to learn so that you get the best of me,
So that I rest at ease, knowing you loath me,
and all you’ve detested me, cause you are what you hate,
and when I’m gone, your my legacy….

‘Expression of Love With a Chainsaw’

‘Expression of Love With a Chainsaw’

Inside-Thin Cries, Solemly Weep, cause when Sin Tries-To Win I, Honestly Bleed- Im -Silenced in Peace, when I -blurt things- the -words seem- to -desert me- in a, Mindless Retreat, usually a, Tyrant Of Speech, now my tounge, Lies and It Sleeps, Beneathe, The Bottom Of Feet, and i cant even- Cry Through My Teeth- or Try to -Gravel and Weep- cause ~the instant ~i get the vision of~ her -Smiling Cheeks- all Problems It Seems- Dissolve Into Dreams- and i Thank -God That Im Free- But the -Goddess It Seems- Did – Not Get Released- Her Burden was too Large-Impertinent, Too Hard- To- Wabble and Flee- I Got On My Feet- with a – Saw In My Hand- I Assulted It and- Chipped a Piece- Gripped it, and Seen it Turn To Salt In My Hand…

Sleeplessness

Attracted to Danger, a Savage by Nature, a morbid contortion of lordship, absorbed with the stranger, you pray to, a major, source of my brains just, Forcing a Sword in His Manger. The Strong the Decrepit, All get Effected, by Raw Intellect Kid, till their Longing for Death, Shit, cant let go, cause my Pride, got my Balls in a Death Grip! Trying, to cough when erected, from awkward deception, gnawed from flesh when, i cant find, a Coffin to Rest In!

The Sun is in My Eyes But I Can’t See the Light

As People Walk by…

They comment on fumes, raising from my body, of vomit and puke, toxin induced content, from constant abuse, obnoxiously spewed, in any direction, on any object that moves. They are shrewd, infections are crude, so I cringe for a while, body stretches and moves, begging for syringe or a bottle,  feeling injured and hollow,  been pilfered, all while, I struggle to count how many pills that I swallowed…

…..no idea…im scared…

Feeling twisted, stunned, hurt-famished, with damaged ribs and sunburnt-abs, and acid just, passing through, my lungs main passages, jolting this untamed masochist, convulsions halting , my mundane actions when,  im stunned-collapsing, from this fucking crack again, this unlucky havoc bent, tragedy, just keeps fuckin happening…

I’m on concrete, by a bin for garbage, alleyway, next to twin apartments. Alarmed when, my memories thin and foggy, an ungodly mix is within my body,  i’m on my back, feeling pinned, and hardly, aware, of the shit thats on me, lost my car keys and don’t know why taunts, are etched into my skin with sharpies…

The drugs have crumbled my mind, hundreds of times, I cry at night when I try to fight and I stumble inside, I’ll be overdosing soon, corrosive wounds, have me bleeding to death, suns beating down heating my flesh, and humbles my pride. My veins run rancid in my cockiness, and to family all this is obvious, I fumble with lies,  I can feel the pace of my breath switchin,  so now this face covered in stubble will cry, cause its about that time, to get my next fix in…

Undisputable

Simply better than you….

Inserted, into this world as a wordsmith damned, assertive, converged with a serpent clan, the verdict, a person with nerve implants, merged with the verses of earth and sand, delivered in cursive, so perfect, the service of a surgeons hands…

Impeccable…

A conceptual demon, perfection in thesis, deviant, intellectual genius, a lion, scheming with infectious bereavements, of iron, leaving the same effect as anemics, inspired, by my own sexual achievements, and more con traversal then the complexion of Jesus…

Just Because…

A little bit of everything, just cause I can.

[Religious Stab]
A new aged Jesus….

Beneath my feet oceans tremble, soldiers left cold, exposed from metal, decomposing in open medows. A puppet master, a bastard, whos souls’ been settled, on back roads, masked/clothed, and covered in black robes, a level, where monsters face depletion, a concious is a heathon, run up and stab the Pontiff for the nonsense he’s unleashing…

[Political/Industrial Stab]
Now a Days…

We are entertained by the vicarious, lead by these barbarians, fed what they’ve prepared for us, slept where we’ve paired, and then, wept for those who cared for us, bled for those whose scaring us, with the threats that we’ve bearing, a mess is what we’re staring at, scared, the anomosity of us dreamers, will rise with the the lack of veracity of our leaders….

[Fuck It]
Hahahahahaha

Undoubtably the best in a bout, uncontested, confessed to being blessed and endowed, ’slept with Edipus’ mother’, then spit in his face, like what the fuck were you ‘obsessing about’! A creature, a preacher, the fiendish type! The depleter of beseechers, you screem at night, while you now ‘hug a note’ since I ‘Princess Peach’d’ your wife!

At The Right Hand of…

 

Afloat the globe, I sit on a canopy, where I gloat and boast, of my gift of insanity, stay cloaked and toned as I spit on humanity…

Such vanity, amidst the saddest twist, insisted by such causalities…
The Devils Advocate, a savage shift, in beliefs that seem imaginative…
Analysis, shows powerlessness, when clouded, faith, shall lead to cowardice…
Announce to all, thy battles- quit, surrender and Doubt shall be thy catalyst…

Eternal assistance, stern and infernal, proves your existence-malignant, ephemeral…
The Christians insistent, their scripts are inherent, are shown a deterrent, and are quickly capricious…
Now their hardened and malicious, thy martyrs are eclipsed in, the Father’s lies, that now lye slaughtered in the distance…
Thy art has been unclogged, having been starved in synagogues we feast now upon the hearts of the partisans of God…

The heartless, I’ve etched my soul, onto a parchment, sparked it, and watched the smoke float into the darkness….