I Love You…

I Love You…

So gullible, pathetic, oh how easily you fall, a little mystery and attitude, has you eating from my palm.
Shrugs my shoulders, brush you off, how your fiending for it now, touch you slowly, kiss you soft, and those jeans are coming down.
Addicted to my confidence, a sucker for my eyes, have you high off of my cockiness, saying “I’m not like other guys.”
Confessing things you’ve never told no one, seems so easy to confide, aroused by understanding, “how does he never seem surprised?”
“His timing is so perfect, I’ve never seen him slip up once, oh how he proves that I’m not worthless, I’ll do anything he wants!”
I’ll push you to your limits, things you never thought that you could do, so easily persuaded, how you long for something new.
Display my presence as a home for you, you seem to only rest with me, manipulations taken over you, ironic how it’s set you free.
Your happy now and prideful, yes your open as can be! Everything seems oh so perfect, because thats how I wish for it to be.
Any move I don’t approve of, you will feel as it’s a crime, all it took me was a glare, to send a chill straight to your spine.
Your wrapped around my finger now, you linger on my tone of voice, my every wish is your desire, as if you ever had a choice.
Your my favorite puppet, favorite strings and favorite wares, and the truth is that you love it, not granted permission to despair.
I control your every instinct, every wish and every woe, as you convey them every instant, convinced that their your own.
So your independent, happy, say “I Love You” with a kiss, with a chuckle I return it, ignorant to the words that leave your lips.
So gullible, pathetic, oh how easily you fall, Simply acknowledge your existence, now your standing there in awe.
Your a hollow human being,  being fondled by king,  you’ve been a puppet your whole life, all I ever did was pull the strings.
Flash a smile, grab your thighs, say everything you need to hear, direct you right, correct your life, thought of me leaving is your fear….

Love is not a feeling, its something you choose at certain points,you say you love me but you lie , because you’ve never had a choice.

Childish

I found a new guilty pleasure,
in telling you how I feel in a joking manner,
when every word is the truth,
God I wish you only knew the truth.

Oh, what i want to say, Damn so bad,
You mean the world to me, your special,
Instead I Laugh, haha you know i love you,
God I wish you only knew the truth.

I would sacrifice my greatest talent,
For the nerve to kiss you, no, To even ask for a kiss,
I feel love when you touch me, I play with your hair, I hear your Voice,
The most painful love imaginable, The kind you can never, ever hold on too…

I feel Disabled and unable to, relate to you,/
Is it the Age, Race, or Labels thats persuading you/
To show so little pain when I lay facing you/
No, Its cause you feel no pain, I only wish you felt the same, I do/
I die a little bit inside when I can’t stay with you/
The truth is, confusing, I’m actually afraid of you/
And not of rejection, or losing affection/
Cause When you don’t feel the same, Things get weird/
And I Risk Losing, my Best friend/
Oh, And, You love another man, Who you hold dear to you/
But regardless of where I stand, I will Always be right here for you/

‘Expression of Love With a Chainsaw’

‘Expression of Love With a Chainsaw’

Inside-Thin Cries, Solemly Weep, cause when Sin Tries-To Win I, Honestly Bleed- Im -Silenced in Peace, when I -blurt things- the -words seem- to -desert me- in a, Mindless Retreat, usually a, Tyrant Of Speech, now my tounge, Lies and It Sleeps, Beneathe, The Bottom Of Feet, and i cant even- Cry Through My Teeth- or Try to -Gravel and Weep- cause ~the instant ~i get the vision of~ her -Smiling Cheeks- all Problems It Seems- Dissolve Into Dreams- and i Thank -God That Im Free- But the -Goddess It Seems- Did – Not Get Released- Her Burden was too Large-Impertinent, Too Hard- To- Wabble and Flee- I Got On My Feet- with a – Saw In My Hand- I Assulted It and- Chipped a Piece- Gripped it, and Seen it Turn To Salt In My Hand…

Illegal Passion

Illegal Passion

In a moment contrast, the fact that lips meet beneath two, unspoken contracts, lust is outwardly a known reality, oh how it seems that passion knows no morality, and love is ya stomach drunken on a balance beam, Residing deep with me, are sheets and screams, that shriek and dream, in a vow of secrecy. It eats at me, but in a steep belief I know its only to keep the peace, so I dare not speak/release the inner thoughts of a demons sheath.  Insane it has claimed, untamed is it’s reign, and all I accept, for a loving breast to lay my mane. Beneath the gloss of tender lips, a slender kiss, starts a spiral of sin and bliss, we never meant it, so tender lips stay sealed so contracts stay never dented, in the same moment the demon’s life, is spread through nails mean with might, down the angels back, a dentin-ing scratch resembling that of Jesus Christ, gleams of light, convey motions of society, Illegal penetration con notates their emotions just entirely, toes and fist grip closed holding in anxiety, with final screams this team is crafting, dreams that happen in a fiending fashion, as their Life see heights they would never reach with out illegal passion….

Dedicated

Jocelynn Evangelina

Jocelynn…. I am So sorry….

I’ve been contemplating, pacing, feeling broken now-a-days yo,feel like im going crazy, so lately i just lay low, hoping you don’t hate me, as I walk around my way slow, seeing lots of strollers, who’s babies rockin hats…. while my baby’s got a halo….

I know you hear me…

Your mom and I have become, nothing more than empty threats and broken words, we’re not together, and I know it’s my fault… just as much as she knows it’s hers. She claims its a lot of things, that … well maybe we wasn’t worth, but I cant help weeping, about the baby, the woman, the lady you never were. I’ve been shaking, lost you and your mother so close to each other, the timing aches me, start to think I could’t do it, it’s kinda shaky, then seeing little seany everyday just drives me crazy. A family of three, you, her, and me, and just a small house, God that would of been suitable, We’d of done your room, pick out your clothes, and ..and, omg you would of been of beautiful. Talent, intellegence, and depth like no other, eyes of a goddess, with the beauty and strength of your mother, haha it would take the whole world just to tame you, and we stare and just think, that my baby’s an angel… heh yea….. my baby’s an angel ….

I think a part of us honestly died, I teared up so much, I wish I’d of done more to move her, I honestly tried.. but not nearly enough…. and now your gone…

Your resting above us now, hundreds of feet, but I don’t want you to watch over us, your mothers doing me wrong, and I her, and I don’t want you to see, I’m sorry baby, it just up and occured, we still love you even if i mean nothing to her, listen… what happens a mess, and its killing me, feeling sapped and distressed, but I love what you stood for, and if it wasn’t for the fear of never moving on, I walk around with a JE Tat on my chest.

On my heart, this has been the hardest, most heavy thing, to think, my baby I wanted to so much, has a harp and feathered wings, I’ll never see you, never kiss you soft, or hear you sing, never hold you, watch you on the seesaw or see you swing, to be someone you can look up to, pick you up when you fall, or be your king…

But…. why?

Mirror Talk (Features Darah)

:::Mirror Talk:::

Honesty is a bleak remembrance of our faults and flaws, a minor glimpse into the souls of man, the bounds of which often fall upon deaf ears, confounded in our minds, thus revealed only to ourselves, so we fall into the shallows of our insecurities…

    Subjected to failed embraces, we digress inside, and face the mirror on a daily basis, confessions tie into frail encasements, that we call lives, then stride on guided by a sail of hatred…

Darah: I fear weakness, so i change myself, in order to fight it off. At the same time tapping into my loved ones’ lack of faith in me. I find myself disappointing at every turn. Not unwilling, but unable to change even the most minuscule vulnerability. I reach for the ever unattainable goal of perfection. Only to be denied, again and again, by my harsh reality. My only hope is a complete 180 turn from this unsatisfactory being…. into the ideal me.

Steven: I fear strength, the morbid eclipse of humanity, escape of eternal suffering, leading to loneliness. The wisdom of a celestial judge, an omnipotent consciousness, incapable of equality, an arrogance leading to the abandonment of love. So I lie… I feign suffering and emotion, to the degree that the cold aspects of a cruel and detestable world, fall into an almost robotic sequence of events… and then I find myself, yet again, in control. My only hope is a complete 180 turn from this unsatisfactory persona…. into the ideal me.

    When persecuted with personal demons, the relinquishment of that anxiety is often inconceivable. We stand as one with an emergency, surround by men and women of a foreign tongue…

Darah: I only want the best for him. I know now that it isn’t me, but why does he detest me so? like a sickness he must avoid, he quarantines himself from me. Telling me he’d rather not speak to me when all I can recall is him telling me how he loves me so much. I’m confused. Why wouldn’t he want the best for me?

Steven: I feel I’ve lost the best of me. I despise her ignorance, her laughable gesture of innocence, sickens me. A plague of deceive, she dismisses all personal wrong doing. I cannot feed into it, shelter myself, she no longer deserves to know my pain.  I do not see happiness in her smile, only a lack of tears, and remorse for the loss of our love. Her time is spent changing, reinventing, growing apart from the one that I loved, and all I can do is lay helpless, recalling the months I spent telling her how I loved her so much. I’m confused. Is she truly better off without me? Perhaps fading away, was really what was best for her.

Lives twist into a spiral of masks, our self confinement dictates our losses and binds us to a wasteland of mental toxins.  The explanation behind our answer less self destruction is simple… mirrors cannot respond……….

Trapped

Trapped….

Stressed-out-awkward-regretful
Have you ever wanted to let something go
But your heart wouldn’t let you

Somthing that kills you, haunts you, eats you
Consumes your thoughts and now your sleep too
And that somthing, fiends you, lives you, breathes you
Loves you
Leaves you……

I feel trapped – I am trapped
You don’t know the feeling
Because I am not confined, See No One Wants Me
The room I’m trapped in, has no walls to hold the ceiling

Theres just a pillar in the middle
And I hold on to it quick
Made of past promises and emotions
That likly no longer exist

…………………………………………………………..

Love is a Bladed Boomerang
When you seek fun you throw it
When ever you throw a boomerang
The only thing on your mind, is if its coming back to you
And when it does, it will cut you, deeply, sharp and with right
However you will never be so happy to be wounded in your life.

Love

Heh, Love

How can such a popular topic, produce such comical nonsense?
Honest, it’s become such typical lingo,
despicable, true love is enough to make you wish you were single.
Mingle, and hide around with a fresh face,
Flesh laid, pressed, paved out on the bed made, caressed,
and forced to lie about it the next day.

On one hand I have love that is potent, humble, subtle and broken,
From distrust that won’t crumble or open.
Disturbed and unholy, is how I feel, un-nurtured and phony,
Disgusted, the reason she prefers to be lonely.
Uncertain she holds me, as even a person, who’s hurting and folding,
From the thought this love, is held by me only.

On the other hand, I have love that is true, full bloomed, held by a heart,
Masterless, uncertain whom its love belongs too.
I am grateful for love, I lay, your voice in my ear, devastated and crushed,
Such a crime, your not mine, so ungrateful for lust.
Distaste and distrust, has left us useless, stressed, confused, abusive,
Power to set things right, not the strength to use it.

Hate Over Love

Hate
Over
Love

Love made me weak, I wouldn’t Sleep for Days.
Love wouldn’t let me eat, I couldn’t Breathe or Pray.
Love Broke my heart, Love destroyed my plans.
Love took my mother from me, Cause she Loved her man.

Love lied to my face, Love spit on my Pride.
Love cried through my eyes, Love ripped me Inside.
Love left me alone… with no one to hug me at night.
I gave my life to my Loved one, and Love stole the only Love of my life.

Hate made me Stong, Let me Dream at night.
Hate Fed my cause, Gave me the Steam to Fight.
Hate closed my heart, opened my eyes to see.
Hate let me stand alone, made me to dispise the weak.

Hate is honest and blunt, Hate has nothing to hide.
Hate hardened my soul, made me morbid inside.
Hate brought me to terms with myself, no longer worthless or faint.
Hate gave me purpose, hate the purpose it gave, but i’ll exist even if my only purpose is hate.